Jesus instructed in Matthew 18:21-22 when he told Peter to forgive not just a few times, but an astonishing seventy times seven times. This means forgiveness should be a continuous and unending practice in our lives, even though it can be difficult. As difficult as this may be, it is essential for our well-being. Fortunately, God’s grace supports us when forgiveness becomes challenging, helping us overcome weariness and find peace.
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Eph 4:31-32
We cannot approach the topic of forgiveness without involving grace, which is God’s undeserved favour (gift). The first time grace was mentioned in the bible is in Genesis 6:8, But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord. God first demonstrated His grace to humanity by saving Noah and his family, giving them an everlasting gift of life. Without this grace gifted to us on the cross, which brought about the removal of our past, present and future sins, we wouldn’t be able to extend the same grace to those who have hurt us.
So, what does it mean to be forgiven?
Some people try to punish themselves for their sins instead of standing on the promises of forgiveness. Once, a father and his daughter walked through the grass on the Canadian prairie. They saw a prairie fire in the distance, which was rapidly approaching them. The father knew that the only way to escape the flames was by quickly starting a fire where they were and burning a section of the grass. As the fire drew closer, the father assured his terrified daughter they were safe since they were standing on the section that had already burned. This story is often used as an analogy for the forgiven ones who are safe from the judgment of God since they have already faced the flames of His wrath.
Even though we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God Romans 3:23, as children of God, we are forgiven, and our Father remembers our sins no more –Jeremiah 31:34.
The Power of Forgiveness
This power lies in the finished work of Christ on the cross; through His sacrifice, the power of forgiveness dwells. He emptied himself so we may live; he took on all our sins so we may be set free through forgiveness. We are forgiven through grace; we are no longer in darkness – therefore, there is no more condemnation in Christ – Romans 8:1. The devil often wants to convince us that our sins are so great they cannot be forgiven. Well, child of God, that is a lie! Because God does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, the Lord has compassion on those who fear him – Psalm103:10-13. Rest in God’s love and let Him calm your mind, for the alternative leads to dysfunction in all areas of our lives. We must accept His forgiveness and walk in it.
The Benefits of Forgiveness
Collins Dictionary defines to benefit from something as ‘The help that you get from it or the advantage that results from it.’
The result of Jesus’ death on the cross was for our benefit; we are the recipients of his sacrifice. He did not die for His benefit but for ours – as a result, we became free from our past, present, and future sins and became joint-heir.
Apart from being free and no longer under the darkness of unforgiveness, we can also enjoy peace of mind, leading to a stress-free life. However, unforgiveness can develop into depression and anxiety if we choose not to forgive those who have caused us pain. We must forgive them even if they do not repent, apologise or show any acknowledgement. Matthew 6:14-15 tells us that if we forgive others their trespasses, our heavenly Father will also forgive us, but if we do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will our Father forgive our trespasses. I don’t know about you, but this is a verse I need to keep at the forefront of my mind.
I remember standing in the kitchen during a dark time, pondering how and why a particular person treated me and continues to treat me. Because God had asked me to forgive them, I quietly and solemnly asked Him, “How many times do I have to forgive?” I heard his gentle voice say, “Seventy times, seven times”. I immediately knew what to do, and it gave me peace. However, my release of them did not mean I forgot or was transported out of the pain of the situation. Instead, I received God’s grace to forgive daily and over time, I stopped harbouring resentment towards them.
Obstacles to Forgiveness
A hardened heart will lead to a lifestyle of unforgiveness. Someone with a hardened heart is described as someone who has become emotionally or morally insensitive, unfeeling, or resistant to compassion and empathy. When someone’s heart is said to be “hardened,” it means that they have developed a callous or unresponsive attitude towards the feelings and suffering of others. They are closed off to forgiveness because they cannot see beyond their hurt.
I remember going through bouts of unforgiveness; I would dwell on the hurt inflicted upon me, full of regret about so many things and I attribute that to one person. On one particular day, I decided to fast and pray as I lacked clarity and was constantly angry and full of bitterness. During the day, the Lord revealed that I lived in the past. Meaning I was constantly blaming the other person. Therefore, I had to forgive and work on myself instead of concentrating on the other person. Living in the past and not letting go was definitely an obstacle to forgiveness, not just of the person who hurt me but forgiveness from God – Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But your Father will not forgive your sins if you do not forgive others.
Sin can disrupt our fellowship with God, leaving us temporarily out of communion with Him. When our path to righteousness is blocked, we become vulnerable to the subjective prompting of Satan, urging us to disobey God.
Sin is often linked with moral wrongdoing, which can inflict emotional harm and trigger a sense of moral offence in those wronged. This feeling of wrongdoing can make it challenging to extend forgiveness, as we might hold onto feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment.
Forgiveness is often linked to repentance and the desire to change one’s ways. Forgiveness may be withheld if the person who sinned is not genuinely remorseful and does not take concrete steps to make amends or rectify their behaviour. This is because there is a lack of trust in their commitment to change, and in the eyes of the world, forgiveness is conditional upon genuine repentance. However, as Christians, there isn’t any condition to forgive – we must forgive.
Why Grace is Essential for Forgiveness
Through the forgiveness of our sins on the cross, we have been granted an underserved gift of new life with Christ. Without the grace of God, forgiveness cannot occur – it is by grace that God forgave our past, present and future sins, and it is by grace that we, too, should forgive. If forgiving is challenging, as forgiveness is sometimes, we must reach out to the gift giver and ask for help by grace.
Here’s why forgiveness is considered important as an act of grace:
1. Restores us to fellowship
When we treasure unforgiveness in our hearts, leading to bitterness, this is a sin in the sight of God – “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this, many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). Where sin abounds, we cannot maintain a fellowship with God. Until we forgive, God will not forgive us. Jesus said, “Whenever you stand praying if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses” (Mark 11:25-26).
2. Spiritual growth
Forgiveness can only be gifted by the grace of God, as it is the most challenging gift to bestow on someone and ourselves. The more we practice it, the more we grow spiritually, letting go of pride and ego and instead growing in empathy, compassion and humility.
3. Peace of mind
As children of God, we have the peace of God – “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” John 14:27. **However, when we operate in unforgiveness, we temporarily lose that peace, leaving us valuable for the devil to introduce unhealthy mental activities. When we decide to forgive, we release ourselves and the other party, allowing the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to fall upon us, therefore, walking in love.
4. Modelling God’s grace
Since we have received grace from God through our Lord Jesus Christ, we must extend the same grace to others. We must acknowledge that we are all human and susceptible to sin and fall short of God’s glory. However, God continues to show us grace, and our responsibility is to reflect this grace in our actions towards others. We must strive to embody the heart of God in all that we do.
5. It paves the way for reconciliation with others
The Scripture teaches us to love our neighbour just like we love ourselves. Nonetheless, harbouring unforgiveness can make this task seem impossible. It’s common to witness relationship breakdowns and people not talking to each other for extended periods of time. But, when we let go and forgive, it can pave the way for restoration, resulting in God receiving the glory.
6. Breaking the Cycle of Retaliation: Forgiveness can disrupt the cycle of retaliation and revenge in situations of conflict or harm. Choosing to forgive instead of seeking revenge can contribute to a more peaceful and just society.
7. Healing Trauma: Forgiveness can be a crucial step in healing from past traumas. While it may not erase the trauma, it can help us move forward and find a sense of closure.
8. Inner Strength: Some may see forgiveness as a weakness. However, it is an act of inner strength rather than weakness. Forgiveness takes courage and resilience, especially in situations where forgiveness may not come easily.
How to Practice Forgiveness
Practising forgiveness can be a challenging but rewarding process. Here are some steps we can take to practice forgiveness:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognise and accept feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment. It’s essential to be honest with ourselves about what we’re experiencing.
- Seek God’s Guidance: It is essential to pray and seek guidance from God. We must ask for strength, wisdom, and a heart open to forgiveness. Praying will help us find the necessary spiritual guidance.
- Reflect on Scripture: Studying relevant Bible verses on forgiveness will help us. Passages like Matthew 6:14-15, Colossians 3:13, and Ephesians 4:32 emphasise the importance of forgiveness. Meditating on these verses will give us a deeper understanding of forgiveness.
- Remember God’s Forgiveness: Reflecting on God’s unconditional forgiveness towards us will give us an understanding of the depth of God’s forgiveness and inspire us to forgive others.
- Practice Empathy: We should see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Empathising their struggles or shortcomings can soften our hearts and make forgiveness easier.
- Choose Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a conscious choice. We must let go of negative emotions and the desire for revenge. This decision aligns with our Christian teachings of love and mercy.
- Pray for Your Offender: Praying for the person who hurt us can be transformative. Asking God to bless and guide them can help heal our own hearts.
- Talk to a Pastor or Counselor: It is wise to seek guidance from a trusted spiritual leader or counselor if neccessary. They can provide insight, support, and a safe space to discuss our feelings.
- Practice Self-Forgiveness: We must forgive ourselves for our role in the situation. We must remember that Christians believe in God’s forgiveness for all, including ourselves.
- Release Resentment: We must let go of our resentment or grudges. This step may take time and multiple attempts, so we must be patient with ourselves.
- Set Boundaries: If necessary, we must establish healthy boundaries with the person who hurt us to protect ourselves from further harm while practising forgiveness.
- Act in Love: Extend acts of kindness, compassion, and love towards the person who wronged you. Your actions can demonstrate your commitment to forgiveness.
- Frequent Communion and Worship: Participating in Communion and regularly worship and fellowship with other Christians. These activities can help us experience God’s grace and reinforce our commitment to forgiveness.
- Practice Forgiveness Daily: Forgiveness is an ongoing process. Each day, we must remind ourselves of our choice to forgive and work on maintaining that forgiveness.
- Embrace God’s Peace: As we practice forgiveness, we must open our hearts to God’s peace. Let His peace replace the negative emotions and turmoil in our hearts.
Let us remember that forgiveness is not a one-time event but a continual journey guided by faith and the grace of God. It can be challenging but essential for spiritual growth and inner peace.
What Next? Get still with God and ask him to reveal anyone you may be harbouring unforgiveness towards, then ask for God’s grace to forgive them by following the above practical steps.